


Sleeping problems

by kazuza



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 17:24:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kazuza/pseuds/kazuza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sleeping is not a problem. It was, for a very long time, but not anymore.  Now, being awake is.</p><p>Season 8 ep 01 spoiler</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleeping problems

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Бессонница](https://archiveofourown.org/works/832208) by [chemerika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemerika/pseuds/chemerika)



  
Sleeping is not a problem. It was, for a very long time, but not anymore.  
He's not afraid of darkness, of things lurking in the night. When Dean closes his eyes, all he sees is the deep darkness of the woods, all he smells is the sweat and the blood, all he feels is his crazy heartbeat, the adrenaline. No, he's not afraid anymore, lost in this endless wild earth, feeling so alive and whole for the first time in his short human life. And with Benny, even the loneliness fades away.  
  
But Purgatory is so far from this place. He feels so lost right now, in this motel room with Sam, his brother who doesn't really feel like a brother anymore. Yet he still has this.  
Closing his eyes, taking deep breaths and letting the dream take him far away. Yeah, sleeping's really not the problem anymore. Being awake is.

  
"Dean ? Are you sleeping ?" whispers Sam from the bed next to his.  
"Shut up Sam."  
"Dean..."  
"Just shut up," he says, tired and angry.

  
He loves Sam, he really does, so much. But right now, Dean wants to hurt him so badly, like he's hurting him, with his sad, sad eyes saying, please please let me go I don't need you anymore please Dean. He thinks about Castiel. He had sad eyes too. The message is not the same of course, because Cas is not Sam but it's pretty much the same thing anyway. A plea. Look at me, love me please please Dean.  
How he loves them and hates them both so much when they're looking at him like that. And here comes Benny, who doesn't look at him like he's expecting anything from him. Benny's eyes are wild and pure, just like purgatory. Uncompromising. They don't lie. Dean misses them so much right now. Like a limb.

  
“Dean, I'm sorry. I should have..."  
"Would you just shut up?! For one fucking time in your life Sam, don't fucking say anything!”  
Dean knows he's being an asshole, but Sam's sharp intake of breath, that almost-whimper, makes him wildly happy. Suddenly, he's afraid. Afraid of loving hurting his baby brother, of being nostalgic of Purgatory, afraid...

The room is too bright because the darkness of Purgatory is so much deeper. The sheets are too tight, and Sam is breathing too loudly, it's unbearable. Dean gets up as fast as he can. He ignores Sam and runs out. He doesn't take the car, he just can't bear the idea of being in such little space right now and the mere thought of it drives him even crazier. The Impala always was something he could take comfort in. But not anymore.  
Right now he just wants to run and feel alive again. And when he stops, it's just because he can't breathe anymore and so he lets himself go and closes his eyes. The road is empty, the night is deep and silent. He can almost feel like he's back. When Dean opens his eyes again, Benny's in front of him, with that knowing smile on his face and he doesn't even wonder how the vampire found him or why he's here. He doesn't need to think with him. He can just be.

  
“Hey buddy, trouble sleeping?"  
"Kind of. You know how it is, right?"  
"Damn sure I know. But it's your lucky day. I have the best remedy for sleeping problems."  
"Yeah, and what's that?"  
"A good hunt, brother. A good hunt.”

  
And just like that, Dean can breathe again.  
  
 **End**


End file.
